"What's the whole point of being pretty on the outside when you’re so ugly on the inside?"

"Fate," Blue replied, glowering at her mother, "is a very weighty word to throw around before breakfast."

"We have now left Reason and Sanity Junction. Next stop, Looneyville."

"Definition of rock journalism: People who can't write, doing interviews with people who can't think, in order to prepare articles for people who can't read."

"Z: "You know, this was a hell of a lot easier when you were out cold in the back of that truck."Phury: "That was you?"Z:"You think it was Santa Claus or some shit?"

"He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which."

"The nuclear arms race is like two sworn enemies standing waist deep in gasoline, one with three matches, the other with five."

"Life is like a box of chocolates."

"There aren't any syringes." Red Sox came over and held a sterile pack out. When she tried to take it from him, he kept a grip on the thing. "I know you'll use this wisely.""Wisely?" She snapped the syringe out of his hand. "No, I'm going to poke him in the eye with it. Because that's what they trained me to do in medical school."

"And, whoa!" He turned to Mr.D. "Your the wine dude? No way!"Mr.D turned hi eyes away from me and gave Nico a look of loathing. "The wine dude?""Dionysus, right? Oh, wow! I've got your figurine!""My figurine.""In my game, Mythomagic. And holofoil card, too! And even though you've only got like five hundred attack points and everybody thinks your the lamest god card, I totally think your powers are sweet!""Ah." Mr.D seemed truly perplexed, which probably saved my life. "Well, that's...gratifying."

"Ah,” said Magnus. “Nerd love. It is a beautiful thing, while also being an object of mockery and hilarity for those of us who are more sophisticated."

"The only French word I know is oui, which means “yes,” and only recently did I learn it’s spelled o-​u-​i and not w-​e-​e."

"Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol."

"THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police."

"Really, these wizards! You'd think no one had ever had a cold before! Well, what is it?" she asked, hobbling through the bedroom door onto the filthy carpet."I'm dying of boredom," Howl said pathetically. "Or maybe just dying."

"There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says "Morning, boys. How's the water?" And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes "What the hell is water?"

"A fire broke out backstage in a theatre. The clown came out to warn the public"

"If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings."

"People can do great things. However, there are some things they just CAN'T do. I, for instance, have not been able to transform myself into a Popsicle, despite years of effort."

"He who hesitates is a damned fool."

"I don't put up with being messed around, and I don't suffer fools gladly. The short version of that is that I'm a bitch. Trust me, I can provide character references."

"As my father always used to tell me, 'You see, son, there's always someone in the world worse off than you.' And I always used to think, 'So?"