"You could start a fire with the heat between you two.""You're mistaking bitter animosity for heartfelt affection."

"What are you grinning at?" Katsa demanded for the third or fourth time. "Is the ceiling about to cave in on my head or something? You look like we're both on the verge of an enormous joke.""Katsa, only you would consider the collapse of the ceiling a good joke."

"Shouldn't someone give a pep talk or something?" Minho asked, pulling Thomas's attention away from Alby."Go ahead," Newt replied.Minho nodded and faced the crowd. "Be careful," he said dryly. "Don't die."

"Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure."

"Well,” Tessa said, sighting along the line of the knife, “you behave as if you dislike me. In fact, you behave as if you dislike us all.”“I don’t,” Gabriel said. “I just dislike him.” He pointed at Will.“Dear me,” said Will, and he took another bite of his apple. “Is it because I’m better-looking than you?"

"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."

"So why in the name of Merlin’s saggy left —”“Don’t talk to your mother like that."

"Elend: I kind of lost track of time…Breeze: For two hours?Elend: There were books involved."

"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason"

"Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide."

"Bravo," said Grimalkin, peering down from Cold Tom's chest. "The Winter prince and Oberon's jester agreeing on something. The world must be ending."

"I said hello to the poodle."

"Reading good books ruins you for enjoying bad books."

"Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings."

"I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it."

"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond."

"Look on the bright side," said Simon, "If they need a human sacrifice, you can always offer me. I'm not sure the rest of you qualify anyway."

"I felt like one of Apollo's sacred cows- slow, dumb, and bright red."

"Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting."

"There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers."

"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."

"Great, tell me when you've defeated Voldemort for me, will you?"