"The planet is fine. The people are fucked."

"I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal."

"Do you remember back at the hotel when you promised that if we lived, you’d get dressed up in a nurse’s outfit and give me a sponge bath?" asked Jace."It was Simon who promised you the sponge bath.""As soon as I’m back on my feet, handsome," said Simon."I knew we should have left you a rat."

"Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can."Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?"Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?""Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries."Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom."...I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. "I do not understand.""I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said."And..." Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam t-shirt."

"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."

"Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very"

"Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile."

"It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'."

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?"

"Death's got an Invisibility Cloak?" Harry interrupted again."So he can sneak up on people," said Ron. "Sometimes he gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking..."

"Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry."

"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."

"There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'."

"Never memorize something that you can look up."

"Is it true that you shouted at Professor Umbridge?""Yes.""You called her a liar?""Yes.""You told her He Who Must Not Be Named is back?""Yes.""Have a biscuit, Potter."

"Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git.Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor.Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball."

"He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo."

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer"

"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life."

"I don't want to be a man," said Jace. "I want to be an angst-ridden teenager who can't confront his own inner demons and takes it out verbally on other people instead.""Well," said Luke, "you're doing a fantastic job."

"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like."