"Black holes are where God divided by zero."

"I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best."

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."

"Headline?" he asked."'Swing Set Needs Home,'" I said."'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'" he said."'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'" I said."

"My rapier wit hides my inner pain."

"The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes."

"In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded."

"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight."

"Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends."

"Jace shook his blond head in exasperation. "You had to make a crazy jail friend, didn't you? You couldn't just count ceiling tiles or tame a pet mouse like normal prisoners do?"

"Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know."

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."

"I love books, by the way, way more than movies. Movies tell you what to think. A good book lets you choose a few thoughts for yourself. Movies show you the pink house. A good book tells you there's a pink house and lets you paint some of the finishing touches, maybe choose the roof style,park your own car out front. My imagination has always topped anything a movie could come up with. Case in point, those darned Harry Potter movies. That was so not what that part-Veela-chick, Fleur Delacour, looked like."

"I'm going to wake Peeta," I say."No, wait," says Finnick. "Let's do it together. Put our faces right in front of his."Well, there's so little opportunity for fun left in my life, I agree. We position ourselves on either side of Peeta, lean over until our faces are inches frim his nose, and give him a shake. "Peeta. Peeta, wake up," I say in a soft, singsong voice.His eyelids flutter open and then he jumps like we've stabbed him. "Aa!"Finnick and I fall back in the sand, laughing our heads off. Every time we try to stop, we look at Peeta's attempt to maintain a disdainful expression and it sets us off again."

"Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch."

"You're an idiot.""I've never claimed to be otherwise."

"I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it."

"Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men."

"Dreams like a podcast,Downloading truth in my ears.They tell me cool stuff.""Apollo?" I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred.""A god named Fred?"

"I don't want tea," said Clary, with muffled force. "I want to find my mother. And then I want to find out who took her in the first place, and I want to kill them.""Unfortunately," said Hodge, "we're all out of bitter revenge at the moment, so it's either tea or nothing."

"A diary with no drawings of me in it? Where are the torrid fantasies? The romance covers?"

"I thought I'd lie on the floor and writhe in pain for a while," he grunted, "It relaxes me.""It does? Oh - you're being sarcastic. That's a good sign probably."