Famous Quotes

"When I die of heart failure the next time you frighten me like that, you can put that on my gravestone—‘I didn’t mean to startle her."

"Do you know, sire, I think that if we live to tell our grandchildren about this war, they will accuse us of making it up.' -Marielle"

"Doctor, if being a bitch is healthy, then I am the healthiest damn woman on the face of the earth"

"Wild!" Ron said, twiddling the replay knob on the side. "I can make that old bloke down there pick his nose again... and again... and again..."

"When jumping is the sole option, you jump, and try to make it work."

"Yeah, well, food's one of the five exceptions to Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfigurations," said Ron, to general astonishment."

"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."

"Butch tightened his grip on his cell and wished there were an app that let you reach through a phone and bitch slap someone."

"Is this one of those keep-your-friends-close-and-your-enemies-closer things?""I though it was keep your friends close so you have someone to drive the car when you sneak over to your enemy's house at night and throw up in his mailbox."

"I wish we could make out in your bed."Noah sighed. "As do I, but I'm afraid we have ritual burning to conduct.""It's always something.""Isn't it though?"

"I have detected disturbances in the wash.''The wash?''The space-time wash.''Are we talking about some sort of Vogon laundromat, or what are we talking about?''Eddies in the space-time continuum.''Ah...is he. Is he.''What?''Er, who is Eddy, then, exactly?"

"Yeah you can have a word," said Harry savagely. "Good-bye."

"At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated."

"I like pink."Lucius sniffed. "It's just red's sorry, weak cousin."

"Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."

"Peter to Austin:"Hard-ons don't make you think less. They make you think stupid. Which makes me think you must have one 24/7."

"Yes Headwoman Azaze. But I never lie to Rosethorn. She, um, discourages it.""Evvy and I have an understanding." She grabbed the teakettle and poured hot water into the mug. "She tells me the truth, and I don't hang her in the first well we come to. It's a solution that works tolerably well for both of us."

"What doesn't kill us makes us funnier."

"Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes its time, and gets to know everyone personally. —T-SHIRT"

"Mary had a little lamb, its fleece electrostatic / And everywhere Mary went, the lights became erratic."

"...[G]reat progress was evident in the last Congress of the American 'Labour Union' in that among other things, it treated working women with complete equality. While in this respect the English, and still more the gallant French, are burdened with a spirit of narrow-mindedness. Anybody who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without the feminine ferment. Social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex (the ugly ones included)."

"You want sensitive and understanding, stick with the therapist.You want great,headbanging sex, get off the fucking phone and come with me."