Famous Quotes

"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?"

"First bubble baths. Now Disney parks. You're shattering every creep vampire myth I've ever heard."

"If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised."

"We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there"

"Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn."

"A cavalryman's horse should be smarter than he is. But the horse must never be alowed to know this."

"I am prone to envy. It is one of my three default emotions, the others being greed and rage. I have also experienced compassion and generosity, but only fleetingly and usually while drunk, so I have little memory."

"I believe it was Shakespeare, or possibly Howard Cosell, who first observed that marriage is very much like a birthday candle, in that 'the flames of passion burn brightest when the wick of intimacy is first ignited by the disposable butane lighter of physical attraction, but sooner or later the heat of familiarity causes the wax of boredom to drip all over the vanilla frosting of novelty and the shredded coconut of romance.' I could not have phrased it better myself."

"If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?"

"Har. Bloody. Har."

"The Princess Andromeda?""Went ka-boom."

"Maybe he thinks he can rescue me? No one is that stupid."

"What's a philosopher?' said Brutha.Someone who's bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting,' said a voice in his head."

"I WILL NOT TOLERATE MENTION OF YOUR ABNORMALITY UNDER THIS ROOF!"

"Are you guys busy?" Juniper asked. "Well," I said, "we're in the middle of this game against a bunch of monsters and we're trying not to die." "We're not busy," Annabeth said."

"He’s always asking: ‘Is that new? I haven’t seen that before.’ It’s like, Why don’t you mind your own business? Solve world hunger. Get out of my closet."

"Is it really you this time, Kells?”“Well, I’m no maggoty corpse, if that’s what you mean.”He grinned. “That’s a relief. No maggoty corpse would be that sarcastic."

"I'm telling you, you really should stick to mating within your species, whatever that is.''I would,' I said, 'but unfortunately, there are no gorgeous, all-powerful, all-knowing gods around here. I'd even settle for a demigod. It's a step down, I know. But alas, there are nothing but low-brained mortals here. And half-brains, like you."

"This is what it's all been about with you," he said in an even tone. "All the fear, allthe running. The nightmares." When she nodded, he said, "You called him the devil.""But you... married him?" "Basically? Yes.""Ceremony and everything?"She swallowed. "He tricked me into it. I-I was only sixteen."A muscle ticked in his cheek and his irises grew pale. "Then know this..."She stopped breathing."Lass, I'm about to make you a widow--"

"Myrnin, who hadn't said much, suddenly reached out and wrapped his arms around her. She stiffened, shocked, and for a panicked second wondered whether he'd suddenly decided to snack on her neck... but it was just a hug. His body felt cold against hers, and way too close, but then he let go and stepped back. "You've done very well. I'm extremely proud of you," he said. There was a touch of color high in his pale cheeks. "Do go home now. And shower. You reek like the dead."Which, coming from a vampire, was pretty rich."

"Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?"

"Tis an ill cook that cannot lick his own fingers."